Gone Pa

My son Eli will be 18 months old on July 24. In the office he has a bookshelf with his books on it, and on the shelf above is a small framed photograph of my parents. My father passed away in October of 2003 and my mother passed in March of 2005. Not having my parents here to share with Eli is one of the most difficult things about being a mother.

Today Eli picked up that picture of my parents and started jabbering away. He carried the photograph to his little pallet on the floor--his cozy place, the place he wallows--and kissed it. After a few minutes he brought the picture back in the office and put it on the floor. I sat it on my desk and in a few minutes he came over to see it again. I pointed to my mother and told him, "This is your Granny Jackie Beshears." I pointed to my father and said, "This is your Granddaddy Beshears." He pointed to my dad and said, "Pa. Gone. Gone Pa." Then he looked toward the hall and waved and said "Bye Bye."

I cannot tell you how overcome I was with joy and sadness, all at once. Just to feel my father was near me again, that my parents are a part of Eli's life. The tears were pouring but I didn't let Eli see me cry. I wouldn't want him to feel like what he's done is wrong. Now I feel a connection with my parents and Eli that I hadn't felt before. And for this I am grateful.

My parents, Bill and Jackie Beshears, in the 70s